10 things you need to do when your spouse dies

When your husband, wife or common-law partner dies, the grief can be overwhelming. But through this grief, somehow, you’re expected to make important decisions and manage important tasks.

“In the first few weeks after my husband died, I felt like I was swimming through thick fog,” recalls Andrea, who was widowed ten years ago. “And yet, there were so many decisions to make, including the tedious yet important paperwork and planning a thoughtful funeral.”

Some things need to be tended to right away, like arranging the funeral and paying some bills. Others, like settling the estate, will take more time.

Many spouses act as executor of the will. But you don’t have to accept this role if you don’t want to. (If you’re not executor of the will, the tasks listed below may not all fall to you.)

This is a time when close family members or friends and trusted advisors can step up and chip in. Lean on those you trust to help support you. Still, as the widow or widower, it’s often up to you to give direction and make final decisions.

Here’s a checklist of 10 things you need to do when your spouse dies.

1. Get legal, tax and financial advice

Settling an estate can require professional help. You may need a lawyer or notary, an accountant and a financial advisor.

It makes sense to choose people that you know and already enjoy working with. Otherwise, you can ask family and friends for personal recommendations.

These associations can help you build your team:

• Chartered Professional Accountants of Canada
• Law Societies of Canada
• Financial Advisors Association of Canada (Advocis)

And remember: close friends and loved ones are also important members of your team. Chances are, they’ll be happy to help.

Settling an estate takes time. It can be exhausting to make so many important decisions on your own – especially since you may have trouble thinking clearly during your initial grief.

So, delegate as many small tasks as you can. And consider bringing a trusted friend with you to important meetings. They can take notes and may remember information you might forget.

2. Make funeral arrangements

Did your spouse purchase a cemetery plot or make other pre-arrangements? If not, you will need to select a funeral home.

Consider asking a loved one to help you compare options. Funeral costs and services can vary widely from one city and one funeral home to the next.

Doing some research can save hundreds or even thousands of dollars. (You can learn about different funeral options and their approximate costs at Canadian Funerals Online.)

Once you have chosen, you will meet with the funeral director. Take the time to voice what you hope the ceremony and other engagements will look like. You may want to include mementos, photos and other keepsakes. There are no right or wrong ways to celebrate your spouse’s life. Do what feels right for you.

One last note: the funeral director will provide a death certificate. Be sure to obtain multiple copies. These will be useful as you wait for the official death certificate from your province.

3. Apply for government benefits

The Canada Pension Plan (CPP) or Quebec Pension Plan (QPP) pays a lump-sum death benefit of $2,500. You may be eligible for survivor benefits and children’s benefits as well.

Are you aged 60-64 and your spouse or common-law partner received Guaranteed Income Supplement (GIS)? You may qualify for the Allowance for the Survivor. If your spouse was a veteran, other benefits or allowances may be payable.

Be sure to officially notify CPP/QPP and Old Age Security of your spouse’s death. This will help you avoid having to repay any overpayments.

4. Contact your spouse’s past and recent employers

Was your spouse employed when they passed? If so, you may be eligible for group life or accident insurance benefits. (These may depend on the cause of death.)

Additionally, you may have access to retiree life insurance. Your spouse may also hold a company pension or other savings plan. This can be paid out by lump sum or monthly payment.

Make sure to also contact any previous employers your spouse could have contributed pension funds to.

5. File life insurance claims

Did your spouse have a life insurance policy? If you are the beneficiary, contact the life insurance company to make a claim. A death certificate and other documentation may be needed to validate your claim.

The “death benefit” is the money paid to you as beneficiary when your spouse (the insured person) dies. This money is tax-exempt and separate from the rest of the estate.

6. Call your bank or other financial institutions

You can still access joint bank accounts. Any account in your spouse’s name alone typically will be frozen. It will be accessible to the executor when the will is probated.

You may be able to access money in your spouse’s account if you need it urgently. The bank will likely advance funds to pay for the funeral if the executor presents a bill.

7. Close accounts and cancel subscriptions in your spouse's name

Cancelling government IDs and other accounts can help prevent fraud.

You can start by cancelling the IDs in your possession, which may include:

• Provincial health insurance coverage
• Driver’s licence
• Passport
• Social insurance number

Then, close all credit card accounts. Remember to take your spouse’s name off joint cards and accounts.

Go through bank statements to make a list of any service providers your spouse may have subscriptions to. This may include:

• Service providers (cell phone, gym membership, professional and personal associations)
• App subscriptions (music or video streaming, cloud storage)
• Online digital accounts, including recurring purchases and social media

8. Update your will and power of attorney

Your current will may name your spouse as beneficiary. So, review your will and power of attorney.

If you have children under 18, an updated will is especially important to protect their interests. Your lawyer can prepare new documents for your signature.

9. Review your real estate

You will become sole owner of any property you own jointly with your spouse. Its value will not form part of the estate for probate purposes.

You can ask your lawyer whether you need to transfer it into your name as sole owner.

If downsizing is your next step, resist the urge to rush. Try to delay major decisions like this during your initial mourning period.

10. Protect yourself from fraud

Sadly, losing your spouse may make you a more likely target for fraudsters.

Don’t sign over any money or accept a financial proposal from strangers. Ask for time to think over any financial proposals.

Discuss any major financial projects with your advisor. They can see how any transaction will fit into your bigger financial plan. (If you need a new plan, financial advisors can help there, too.)

As the saying goes, this too shall pass. Even grief ebbs and flows with time.

“My advice? Pace yourself: settling an estate is a lengthy process,” says Andrea. “It can weigh on you to have to repeatedly share the news of the passing. Pause for moments of reflection every day, to celebrate and mourn your spouse and your life together. Give yourself permission to feel all the feelings, including laughter and joy. Grief comes in waves, but in between those waves, you’re still human. And remember that while it doesn’t get easier, you will get stronger.”