Feeling the pinch? You’re not alone – so are millions of Canadians, from all walks of life. Here are 6 steps you can take to improve your financial and mental wellness.
How to build healthy money habits
September 19, 2025
By Eva Hartling
Our money habits don’t define us. They reflect our lived experience – and you can change them. In short: it’s not about “fixing” anything. It’s about getting curious.
Why do so many of us struggle with saving, spending, or even logging into our banking app? The truth is that our relationship with money is a lifelong journey: it often begins long before we open our first account.
Chantel Chapman, financial educator and CEO/co-founder of The Trauma of Money Institute, says many of our money behaviours are shaped by past experiences – both personal and society-wide.
“If you’ve ever felt unworthy, unsafe, or experienced a lack of control, it’s going to show up in how you interact with money. And that goes for all of us,” said Chapman.
She emphasizes that it’s not about doing things right (or wrong). It’s about understanding the origins of your beliefs and actions. This understanding empowers you to move forward with confidence, clarity, and self-compassion.
The hidden causes of financial stress
We often assume that money struggles stem from poor habits or a lack of knowledge, but that’s not the whole story. Many of these challenges have deeper roots.
According to Chapman, even seemingly small experiences – like growing up in a home where money was a source of conflict – can shape our financial approach as adults.
In fact, even experiences that aren’t directly related to money can impact our financial behaviour.
Why? Because money is often closely linked to our sense of control, self-worth, and security. If you’ve ever felt unsafe or undervalued in any area of life, those feelings can affect your financial decisions and attitudes.
To help us understand these patterns, Chapman and her team examine various layers of influence:
- Cultural values
- Lessons learned from family and caregivers
- Experiences with social systems and institutions
By exploring these factors, we can gain insight into the complex origins of our financial behaviours and attitudes.
Understanding your money habits
Ready to dive in? Here's how to begin:
Create a safe space
Chapman emphasizes the importance of starting this journey when you're in a comfortable mental and physical state. This approach helps ensure that your thinking, learning, and planning will be more effective. "You can have all the right tools, but if you're in a state of fear or overwhelm, they won't land," she explains.
Reflect on your money mindset
Once you're in a good headspace, it's time to explore your feelings and behaviours around money. Consider:
- How do you feel when you think about your finances?
- What patterns do you notice in your spending or saving habits?
- Are there specific money situations that make you anxious or excited?
By taking these initial steps, you're laying the groundwork for a deeper understanding of your financial behaviour.
Remember, this is a process of self-discovery, not self-judgment. The goal is to gain insights that can help you make more informed financial decisions moving forward.
4 common money habits (and why they’re not flaws)
If you see yourself in one of these four examples, remember: you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you.
As Chapman explains, “our money behaviours are often just responses in disguise.”
Here are four recurring patterns she’s observed, especially among women and people from underrepresented groups:
1. The avoider
Behaviour: You'd rather do anything than check your account balance.
Insight: Avoidance is often a form of self-protection when money feels overwhelming.
2. The over-giver
Behaviour: You prioritize the needs of others, even at the cost of your own.
Insight: "Many women have been conditioned to feel greedy for having needs," Chapman notes.
3. The control-seeker
Behaviour: You obsess over budgets or deny yourself joy.
Insight: "This often stems from past financial instability or a deep fear of scarcity."
4. The over-spender
Behaviour: You soothe discomfort or seek validation through shopping.
Insight: This pattern may be tied to unresolved trauma, low dopamine states, or a need for control.
Food for thought: Many of us cycle through more than one of these patterns, especially during times of stress or major life transitions.
So, what can you do about it?
You don’t need to fix yourself. You need to get curious.
Step 1: “Name the shame to tame the shame”
To start, Chapman recommends this approach:
Name the belief. Be honest with yourself. For example, “I’m not good with money.”
Explore its origins. Where did this belief come from? Was it learned from family? Shaped by cultural expectations? Reinforced by past experiences?
Take a step back. Remember, our behaviour is a response to our environment, not a character flaw.
“We say ‘name the shame to tame the shame,’” Chapman explains. “And then ask: whose shame is this? Often, it doesn’t belong to you.”
Step 2: Take a moment to check in with your nervous system
Once you’ve identified these patterns, it’s time to support your nervous system. This might look like:
- Taking slow, deep breaths
- Grounding in nature
- Practicing self-compassion (be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend)
- Opening up to someone you trust
- Reaching out to an advisor for professional guidance
“Financial literacy becomes accessible when your nervous system feels safe. Otherwise, the tools just bounce off.”
Step 3: Embrace the journey
Remember, this isn’t a one-time fix. Financial healing is a lifelong journey, especially since money stress often pops up during major life changes like:
- Starting a family
- Going through a divorce
- Entering menopause
- Transitioning to retirement
“We call it the refinement phase,” Chapman notes. “As your life evolves, so will your relationship with money. The goal isn’t perfection – it’s about continually recalibrating and growing.”
A way forward: Reimagining your relationship with money
Let’s be clear: your financial behaviours don’t define you. They’re simply reflections of your unique life experiences. The great news is, they can change and grow just as you do.
Take a moment to ask yourself these powerful questions:
- What money stories have I been telling myself?
- Are these stories helping me move forward or holding me back?
- How might my financial decisions look if they came from a place of self-trust?
You're not alone in this journey. Everyone has their own money narrative, shaped by countless factors. The key is recognizing that you have the power to rewrite yours.
Imagine making financial choices that align with your values, support your dreams, and fuel your confidence. That's not just a fantasy – it's achievable.
You deserve:
- Clarity about your financial situation and goals
- Confidence in your ability to make smart money decisions
- A relationship with money that propels you towards your aspirations, rather than holding you back
This is grounded in progress, self-compassion, and taking small steps towards financial well-being. You've already taken an important step by reflecting on your money behaviors. Keep that momentum going!
Every financial journey is unique. Trust yourself, stay curious, and don't hesitate to seek support when you need it. Your future self will thank you for the positive changes you're making today.
What an advisor can do for you
Are you nervous about talking to an advisor? That's totally normal, especially if you've felt excluded or misunderstood in financial conversations before.
It's important to acknowledge that historically, many groups – including women, people of colour, and underrepresented communities – haven't always had equal access to financial services and advice.
This has understandably led to some hesitation and mistrust. In Canada, Indigenous peoples in particular have faced significant financial exclusion, leading to generational impacts on their communities.
You might have internalized the belief that you’re just “not good” with money. As Chapman points out, “that can feed into a power dynamic where the advisor is placed on a pedestal.”
But there’s good news. A great advisor is there to work with you, not talk down to you. They should:
- Meet you where you are in your financial journey
- Help align your money strategy with your personal values
- Offer guidance that feels like a collaboration, not a lecture
- Work alongside you to build your knowledge, independence, and financial momentum
Start the relationship you want with an advisor
Ready to take the plunge? Here’s how to set yourself up for success:
- Start with your values: what really matters most to you – stability, freedom, making an impact, security? Share those priorities upfront.
- Be honest about your experiences. If money talks have left you feeling overwhelmed, judged, or unsure in the past, let your advisor know. This helps them tailor their approach to your needs.
- Set the tone for the relationship. Try saying something like, “I’m looking for a partner I can trust to walk through this with me at my own pace.”
- If you're wondering what documents to bring or how the first meeting works, this guide covers the practical details of your first meeting with an advisor.
Most importantly: it’s OK to move on if an advisor doesn’t feel like the right fit. You deserve someone who truly gets you. (And you can also refer to this list of questions as you go.)
As Chapman says: “You deserve to work with someone who sees you, listens to you, and understands that your goals are about more than just money.”
And remember, your advisor is there to help – not to judge.
With the right person in your corner, a financial roadmap becomes less about pressure and more about empowerment. In fact, research shows that women who work with an advisor are more optimistic and feel more confident about their financial future.
Ready to take the next step?
Try our localised advisor search.
This article is meant to only provide general information. Sun Life Assurance Company of Canada does not provide legal, accounting, taxation, or other professional advice. Please seek advice from a qualified professional, including a thorough examination of your specific legal, accounting and tax situation.
